New Beginnings

I have been thinking about starting up my blog again and so today I officially begin. During my “batting the thought around in my head” phase, I looked at some of my old writings. It seems that my first entry was in honor of Mother’s Day, May of 2017. Then I wondered what my last writing was and found that it was done as a New Year entry in January of 2019. My heart sank with a massive amount of realization as to why I paused my writings. My mother died in June of 2019, but her illness had begun in February. She caught pneumonia which was, unfortunately, a yearly occurrence with her condition of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or COPD.  This had become more of a nuisance to my mind rather than scary. How was I to know that this year would be different from the last several? The routine was hospital time until it clears up and then back to bridge, meditation group, salt therapy, and board meetings. But 2019 was different.  The bouts kept recurring. It became a revolving door of hospital, recovery center, home. Hospital, recovery center, home. Hospital, recovery, and then the final return home. Our last Mother’s Day was celebrated in the recovery center. She genuinely seemed fine. We were laughing and snacking in the main visitor’s room. There was no way that we could be so happy on May 12 only to lose her on June 8. But complications arose and a blood clot in her remaining lung caused irreparable damage. 

Irreparable damage.  Six years is a long time, but I guess that is how long it has taken me to begin to address the damage to my psyche; to even think about digging deep into writing again. I mean, it is exceptionally revelatory how unconscious I was of my stuckness; my stunted growth since she left this plane.  And yes, a lot has happened in between, i.e. COVID and political volatility, but upon examining the reopening of my heart to creativity, it was my mother’s memories that emerged. So, I think it is fitting that my final entry of 2019 will be a part of my first entry of 2025. It is also fitting that the title addressed what I was to experience in the near future and expose my strong denial of what was to come. Of all her gifts, the most precious were her last words, “I am so happy. I am so happy.” Only now do I fully realize that I had become witness to a true transcendence of suffering: the Wisdom of Emptiness. 

“TRANSCENDING SORROW
It is the first day of the New Year. I am still in my pajamas studying for my Nalanda Buddhist Diploma Course. My boy cat, K2 looks on with jealousy as his sister Shasta lies on my lap. He settles for the shins of my extended legs and curls his tail over his nose. As I caress Shasta's neck, drool rolls down her fanged lip. Her graceful demure is shattered in my eyes, but she is ignorant in her bliss. The sun is bright, and the air is crisp as I hunker in my room memorizing phrases and philosophy pertaining to transcending sorrow. "It is the Wisdom of Emptiness that removes our causes and conditions of suffering." I reflect on this statement. Non-verbal, purring beings warm my legs and embody a relaxed and contented mental state. My mind stops - even if just for a brief moment - it is euphoria. When I am returned from the formless, I think to myself, "Absolute peace is liberation." “

For the benefit of all beings…